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The Codependency Test

Questions

The Codependency Test has been designed to help people decide if they have characteristics and behaviours that need attention. It's not so much a test as it is a checklist which touches on many different areas of human dysfunction. Do not be discouraged or stop because some things don't ring true for you. As you go through the entire list of questions, certain issues may begin to resonate for you. The key is your willingness to suspend judgment and denial and be open to the possibility that you may not have all the answers and that there are alternate ways to feel and behave in your interpersonal relationships. Be brave and be honest and hopefully you will gain from this exercise.

GENERAL: Answer the following questions with a "Yes" or a "No".

1 Are you either extremely responsible or extremely irresponsible most of time?
2 Do you find it difficult feeling close to people and/or letting people get close to you?
3 Do you generally find it difficult to have fun and be spontaneous?
4 Do you have overwhelming feelings of hurt, helplessness, hopelessness and disempowerment frequently?
5 Do you have overwhelming feelings of anger, violence or domination frequently?
6 Do you alternate between the passive and aggressive tendencies outlined in questions 4 and 5?
7 Do you wonder why your problems don't just go away?
8 Are you ashamed about family, personal or relationship problems?
9 Do you refuse professional help because you feel your problems aren't bad enough or important enough?
10 Have you become withdrawn and isolated lately?
11 Are you experiencing a complete loss of daily routine?
12 Are you neglecting your children and other responsibilities?
13 Do you contemplate suicide often?
14 Do you become seriously ill (emotionally, mentally or physically)?
15 Do you have panic attacks or anxiety attacks?
16 Are you becoming addicted to alcohol or other drugs?

CARETAKING: You are not your brother's keeper.

17 Do you feel responsible for other people, for their well-being, and anxious or guilty when they have a problem?
18 Do you feel compelled to 'fix' their problem via unsolicited advice or actions on your part?
19 Do you usually feel angry when your advice is not heeded?
20 Do you anticipate others' needs all the time and/or wonder why they don't anticipate yours?
21 Do you make a habit of doing things you don't want to do to please others, saying Yes when you feel like saying no to something?
22 Do you tell yourself your needs are not important, or not know what you want or need much of the time?
23 Do you generally find it easier to feel and express anger on behalf of others than yourself?
24 Do you feel better giving than receiving?
25 Do you feel you spend all your time giving and nobody gives to you, making you feel angry, victimized, unappreciated or used?
26 Do you, as a rule, blame others for your situation and/or feelings, believing them responsible?
27 Do you find other people become angry or frustrated with you because you hold them responsible?
28 Are you usually attracted to needy people and/or do you find they are attracted to you?
29 Do you feel a void in yourself, bored and empty when there isn't a crisis, problem to solve or needy person in your life?
30 Do you often abandon your routine to help others?
31 Do you over-commit yourself and/or feel harried or pressured?

SELF-ESTEEM: You will manifest what you think you are worth.

32 Do you come from a troubled, repressed or dysfunctional family?
33 Do you deny to others that you come from this kind of family?
34 Do you blame yourself for everything and/or are overly critical about yourself?
35 Do you get angry or defensive when others criticize you for being down on yourself?
36 Do you reject compliments or praise and/or get depressed when you don't receive praise?
37 Do you generally diminish your own accomplishments and/or feel inadequate?
38 Do you feel extremely different from the rest of the world?
39 Do you feel guilty about treating yourself to things?
40 Do you fear rejection?
41 Do you take things too personally and/or make things personal with others inappropriately?
42 Do you generally feel like a victim?
43 Do you fear making mistakes and/or feel you can't do anything right?
44 Do you usually have a tough time making decisions?
45 Do you always expect perfection of yourself and others?
46 Do you often feel a lot of guilt and/or feel ashamed of yourself?
47 Do you commonly think your life is not worth living?
48 Do you get a false feeling of self-worth from helping others?
49 Do you strongly feel you are a failure when people you know fail?
50 Do you believe good things or happiness will never happen for you or others you know?
51 Do you believe others could not possibly like or love you?
52 Do you frequently try to prove you're good enough for others to like you?
53 Do you, as a matter of course, settle for being needed?

REPRESSION: Not allowing yourself to just be .

54 Do you repress your thoughts or feelings because of fear and/or guilt?
55 Do you generally feel afraid to be yourself?
56 Do you usually appear rigid or controlled to others?

OBSESSION: Not letting go.

57 Is it your habit to worry about little things and/or get very upset about problems and people?
58 Do you feel unable to stop thinking, talking and gossiping about other people or problems?
59 Do you often lose sleep over problems or other people's behavior?
60 Do you ever check up on other people, trying to catch them misbehaving?
61 Do you ever wonder why you have no energy and/or can't get things done?
62 Do you fear letting others be themselves and/or allowing events to unfold naturally?
63 Do you, as a rule, deny or fail to deal with your fear of loss of control?
64 Do you feel you know best how people should behave and how events should turn out?
65 Do you ever try to control events and/or people through manipulation, helplessness, guilt, coercion, threats, advice giving or domination?
66 Do you ever provoke anger in others for attempting to control them or events?
67 Do you often feel controlled by events and people, feeling frustrated and angry?

DENIAL: Wake up and smell the coffee.

68 In general, do you ignore problems, pretend they aren't happening and/or pretend things aren't as bad as they are?
69 Do you keep busy so you don't have to think about things?
70 Do you often get confused, depressed or sick, going to doctors for tranquilizers or other medications?
71 Do you have any compulsive behaviours such as overeating, workaholism or compulsive spending?
72 Do you pretend you don't have these compulsive behaviours?
73 Do you frequently lie to yourself or believe the lies of others?
74 Do you ever wonder why you feel like you're going crazy?

DEPENDENCY: Everything you need is within you.

75 Do you not feel happy, content and at peace with yourself most of the time?
76 Do you look for happiness outside yourself, latching onto whoever or whatever will make you feel better?
77 Do you feel very frightened at the loss of any thing or person you think provides you with happiness?
78 Would you say you do you not love yourself?
79 Did you not feel loved and approved of by your parents?
80 Do you ever feel desperate in your seeking of love and approval?
81 Do you often attempt to get love from those who are incapable of loving or who are emotionally unavailable?
82 Do you believe love and pain are synonymous?
83 Do you generally feel you need others more than want them?
84 Do you fail to take the time or make the effort to see if other people are good for you?
85 Do you fail to take the time or make the effort to figure out if you love or like other people?
86 Do you center your life around others and lose interest in your own life?
87 Do you usually fear others in your relationships will leave you?
88 Do you stay in relationships that don't work and or tolerate abuse to keep others loving you?
89 Do you, as a rule, fear you can't take care of yourself?
90 Do you ever feel trapped in relationships and form new ones that are exactly the same?
91 Do you often wonder if you will ever find love?

COMMUNICATION: Nobody is a mind reader.

92 Do you ever blame, threaten, coerce, beg, bribe or flatter to get your way?
93 Do you not say what you mean or not mean what you say as a rule?
94 Do you not know what you mean most of the time?
95 Do you not take yourself seriously or think others don't take you seriously or take yourself too seriously?
96 Do you often find it difficult to get to the point and/or are not sure what the point is?
97 Is it your way to ask for what you want or need indirectly rather than asking straight out?
98 Do you gauge your words or thoughts to achieve a desired goal and/or watch your words or thoughts so as to not invite disapproval?
99 As a rule, do you avoid talking about yourself, your problems, feelings or thoughts?
100 Do you believe your opinions don't matter and/or wait until you know others opinions before you offer yours?
101 Do you lie to protect yourself or others?
102 Do you have difficulty expressing your emotions honestly, openly and in an appropriate manner and/or asserting your rights?
103 Do you often talk in a cynical, self-degrading, or hostile manner and/or apologize for bothering others?

BOUNDARIES: Achieving the respect of others.

104 Do you ever say you won't tolerate certain behaviors in others and then turn around and tolerate them to the point you do things you said you never would?
105 Do you let others hurt you and/or keep letting them hurt you?
106 Do you wonder why you hurt so badly and complain and blame while you continue to tolerate unacceptable behavior?
107 Do you ever become intolerant as a result of your hurting so badly?

TRUST: Those who don't trust are usually untrustworthy.

108 Would you say you do not trust yourself, or your feelings and decisions?
109 Is it fair to say you don't trust others?
110 Do you ever trust untrustworthy people?
111 Do you ever feel the universe/God has abandoned you?
112 Have you lost faith in the universe/God?

ANGER: Anger is fear manifested.

113 Do you feel scared, hurt and angry and/or are in a relationship with someone who is scared, hurt or angry?
114 Do you fear your own anger and repress it or feel ashamed for feeling angry?
115 Do you fear others will go away if you express anger?
116 Do you feel others make you feel angry?
117 Do you punish others for making you angry?
118 Do you fear other people's anger and/or feel controlled by other people's anger?
119 Do you cry a lot, get depressed, overeat, get sick, act hostile, have temper tantrums or do mean or nasty things to get even?
120 Do you, as a rule, feel safer with your anger than with hurt feelings?
121 Do you ever wonder if you'll ever not be angry?

SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION: It all comes out in the bedroom.

122 Do you ever have sex when you don't want to?
123 Do you have sex when you'd rather just be held and loved?
124 Do you try to have sex when you're angry or hurt?
125 Do refuse to enjoy sex when you're angry or hurt?
126 Do you commonly fear losing control while having sex?
127 Is it difficult for you to talk about sex and/or ask for what you want in bed?
128 Do you ever reduce sex to a mechanical act?
129 Do you wonder why you don't enjoy sex?
130 Do you ever lose interest in sex and/or make excuses to abstain?

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